Author: wifewithpurpose

Complementarian Beliefs: Addressing Cultural Influences

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I’ve been thinking long and hard about how I could critique egalitarianism in a meaningful way that can actually contribute, rather than repeat statements and conversations that have been made before. And considering the vast amount of resources that you can look at on the topic, I figure that it is best for me to keep this fairly simple and short. In the next few posts, I will be highlighting some key points in egalitarianism that kept screaming at me as I worked my way through the complementarian critiques.

What Culture?

One of the things that I appreciated most about the Danvers Statement was that the council provided a rationale for why they devised the statement in the first place. The influence of the culture was expressly mentioned twice in the rationale:

1. The widespread uncertainty and confusion in our culture regarding the complementary differences between masculinity and femininity;

10. and behind all this the apparent accommodation of some within the church to the spirit of the age at the expense of winsome, radical Biblical authenticity which in the power of the Holy Spirit may reform rather than reflect our ailing culture.

Now you can check out the Christian’s for Biblical Equality statement again, but you will see absolutely no mention or address of the culture or how the culture is influencing Christianity at all. And hearkening back to my college experience where discussing the influences of culture was the norm, this was one of the first things that stood out to me the most about egalitarianism. But let’s get on the same page first and define culture.

Culture – the sum of attitudes, customs, and beliefs that distinguishes one group of people from another. Culture is transmitted, through language, material objects, ritual, institutions, literature, music, and art, from one generation to the next. (The American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy)

Learning this definition during my freshman year, I spent the remaining years of college often having internal dialogues about the things that went on around me, and I also asked myself a lot of questions. I knew that our country was founded with some Christian principles in mind, but our culture was far from being Christian or even God-centered. So I wondered if the whole world is not Christian, then what does a real Christian look like today, and should I be making an effort to be different than the rest of the world as a Christian? And if so, to what extent should I be different as a Christian? But, should I reject everything in the culture, or are there some things that can be useful to me as a Christian? Later on, my husband would ask me this question in a new way: How is every area of our lives distinctly Christian?

With this in mind, it has not appeared to me how egalitarians are addressing the influence of culture in their beliefs. Whereas complementarians directly mentioned the influence the culture is having in the hearts and minds of Christians throughout the church, egalitarians have largely remained silent on that particular topic. And it has caused me to wonder if egalitarians are aware that they are being influenced by the culture, and if they see the need to exercise discernment over how these things are influencing them.

As Christians, we have to be able to distinguish and isolate. We have to be able to discern, scrutinize, test, and yes, discriminate. We are called to destroy arguments and lofty opinions that assail the knowledge of God, and we must be able to buffet our own thoughts (as well as the thoughts of others) when they began to fall out of line with what is taught in the Word of God (2 Corinthians 10:3-6). We are engaged in a real spiritual war that has real consequences and real casualties, and I encourage my egalitarian brothers and sisters to consider these questions in light of that battle on their own time:

Do you believe that the culture has or is influencing your views and interpretations of the Bible? If so, is that proper, and should it be allowed to continue? Do you believe that there is a spirit of the age that you need to be aware of? And if so, how are you able to detect it and stand against it?

Egalitarian Beliefs: Clarifying What We Believe

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Continuing from the last post, this blog examines the final application from Christians for Biblical Equality. Application #5 states:

In the Christian home, couples who share a lifestyle characterized by the freedom they find in Christ will do so without experiencing feelings of guilt or resorting to hypocrisy. They are freed to emerge from an unbiblical “traditionalism” and can rejoice in their mutual accountability in Christ. In so doing, they will openly express their obedience to Scripture, will model an example for other couples in quest of freedom in Christ, and will stand against patterns of domination and inequality sometimes imposed upon church and family.

In their fifth application, CBE believes that couples who embrace the egalitarian lifestyle will no longer experience guilty feelings or live in hypocrisy because they no longer have to live in biblical “traditionalism.” Thus, married couples will be able to rejoice and hold one another mutually accountability before Christ, and they will be able to model a good marriage relationship for other couples who are looking to avoid patterns of domination and inequality in their own marriages.

To be honest, it has taken me a while to figure out how to adequately critique the complementarian camp with this application, but thank the Lord for husbands who think differently! Considering that this is the last post critiquing complementarianism, this might be one of the more important critiques that we all need to consider. And I will begin with the only affirmation from the Danvers Statement that I believe would be of key importance here, Affirmation #10:

We are convinced that a denial or neglect of these [complementarian] principles will lead to increasingly destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large.

As firmly as egalitarians believe that their beliefs and principles are Biblical, complementarians do so to the point that they believe that there will be “destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large” if complementarian principles are abandoned. As a complementarian, I agree; however, egalitarians have brought up some valid concerns when they mention “traditionalism” and “patterns of domination and inequality” that are at times imposed upon people in the church and in the family. So let’s think about that more closely.

For the sake of clarity…

  • How much of what we practice as complementarians is truly Biblical?
  • How much of our practices are really passed down traditions?
  • And how much of our practices stem from or attempt to counteract influences from our culture?

I’m not sure how many complementarians have taken the time to consider the questions or even how they live out their complementarianism, but I do believe it is always important to consider the ‘why’ behind what we do for three main reasons. First, it helps us figure out if we are doing things for the right reasons. Second, it helps us figure out how to instruct and encourage other couples who want to have a God-honoring marriage and be obedient to Scripture. Third, it helps us to be more credible and honest to the rest of the world, especially egalitarians. Let’s briefly consider these points.

How we label things

Coming from egalitarianism, having some solid reasons behind why I am doing things the way I do them now is paramount for me to walk and live in unwavering confidence in this world. Yet, I know that I have a very accommodating personality that desires for things to just go ‘smoothly’ even when I have problems with them, so I often find myself having done things for months or years because I never gave it real thought. This experience is the premise behind my first point. As Christians, we have to be careful to distinguish what are doctrinal standards, convictional beliefs, and our own cultural preferences. We clearly believe that complementarianism is Biblical doctrine that is expounded upon clearly in Scripture, but what about other things we practice?

Can husbands wash dishes, take care of the laundry, prepare meals, and/or take care of small children or is that purely the work of women as homemakers? Can wives cut grass, clean out the gutters, work on the car in the garage, and build furniture in the shed or is that stepping into men’s work? If your daughter likes to play with cars or paper towel tube swords, do you tell her to put it down to play with a doll or have a tea party instead? If your son likes to play house or is really interested in baking, do you try to distract him with some sports or other outdoor activities.

Now, I’ve picked the least controversial examples I could think of to drive home the point that we have to be careful what we label as ‘complementarian’ when it could easily be us sliding into ‘traditional roles’ or doing what we’re most comfortable doing. We also have to be careful that we’re not perpetuating traditional gender roles and calling it complementarianism because we’re uncomfortable that playing with trucks just isn’t ‘feminine’ enough for our daughter or baking isn’t ‘masculine’ enough for our son. I have all intentions to teach my daughter how to manage and care for a home properly, but if she wants to pursue a PhD and become a physicist like her daddy, I’m not going to tell her that she is going against God’s design and purpose for her as a woman. Basically, we ought to be certain that we have a solid understanding of what is actually Scriptural and whatever else is only traditional, cultural, or just our own personal preferences.

Determining what to teach others

One of the obvious results of being able to label things properly is that we will be able to offer more Biblically-sound advice to others. Whether it’s our own children, teenagers at church, or other young couples that we know, we are often put into the position of having to either teach, instruct, exhort, or encourage others about what a God-honoring marriage and family life look like. And these interactions happen either directly or indirectly, but regardless, the interaction will leave an impression upon the hearer.

For instance, most women have probably heard that housework is women’s work in some way or fashion. And from the Bible we know that we are to take care of our homes and our families (Titus 2), so this is perfectly sound to teach. However, if we couple that with something like…The reason you need to make sure that you are taking care of your home is because you really can’t trust a man to do a woman’s job. Men don’t know how to clean the way we do. They aren’t as detailed-oriented as we are, and you know you should never leave your little ones with your husband. God only knows what will happen to them when you’re gone. Really, you just have to learn how to manage it all. And don’t worry, God will give you the grace to be able to handle all of it because He made you a woman, and women are equipped to carry and handle a lot…then we have surely added some things to the Biblical text. But what is worse, the extra traditional and cultural things only cause people to become more burdened down and overwhelmed as they are likely to believe and feel that this is how they are to please the Lord in their roles. Christ told us in Matthew 11:28-30:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Let us be diligent to not add to the burden in our own minds and hearts and in the hearts and minds of others who are serious about having a God-honoring marriage and family life. If we are going to teach, exhort, and encourage ourselves and others, let’s be perfectly clear about what is Biblical and what just follows traditional norms, our present-day culture, or what just works for us.

Building some credibility

Finally, all of this leads to us, as complementarians, building up our credibility with egalitarians and others who think the way we live our lives in the face of our culture today is just crazy and outdated.

Now, there will always be some people who will simply be contentious and look for a way out so they don’t have to feel guilty about not obeying Scripture, and honestly, we can only pray for those people. But for the other people who are jaded, ignorant of the truth, or searching for some clarity about their role as a man/woman and a husband/wife, I encourage my fellow complementarians to hold fast to the Bible alone first and foremost. And then be open about what they will have to work out depending on their own circumstances. Talk about the things that complementarians have historically gotten wrong. Even touch on the abuses and sins that have often been committed under the guise of complementarianism or being Biblical. By all means, be forthright, frank, and honest in everything that you have to say because as we know that complementarianism is God’s design and purpose for men and women, we are obligated to represent it rightly, fully, and faithfully so that others will have a proper view of what God requires of all of us and so that we will not be a reason why some will choose to abandon it altogether.

This post concludes my critique of complementarianism, and I will pick up my next blog with taking a closer look at egalitarianism.

Egalitarian Beliefs: Valuing and Protecting Self in Marriage

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As we move along in this series, the final two applications from Christians for Biblical Equality are similar in nature and intention as the third application that I covered in my last blog. Consequently, you may find some repetitive language as we continue. However, I still want to consider these applications separately because they each emphasis different topics that are important as we look at complementarianism. So, we continue with Application #4:

In the Christian home, spouses are to learn to share the responsibilities of leadership on the basis of gifts, expertise, and availability, with due regard for the partner most affected by the decision under consideration. 

In so doing, spouses will learn to respect their competencies and their complementarity. This will prevent one spouse from becoming the perennial loser, often forced to practice ingratiating or deceitful manipulation to protect self-esteem. By establishing their marriage on a partnership basis, the couple will protect it from joining the tide of dead or broken marriages resulting from marital inequities.

In their fourth application CBE highlights the need for individual spouses to recognize their own unique gifts and talents, recognize the gifts and talents of their spouse, and respectfully work together to “share the responsibilities of leadership.” The intended result is that spouses will learn to see and respect what they each bring to the ‘table’, keep one person from always being the ‘loser’ in the marriage trying to protect their own self-esteem, and protect the marriage from dying and falling apart due to ‘marital inequities.’ More concisely, I would say that this application is focused on how individual spouses view, value, and protect themselves in the marriage relationship.

Now, as a Christian and former Student Affairs professional, I find conversations about preserving and protecting “self” to be very interesting, but not entirely biblical. I do not mean that we should let other people walk all over us, even in marriage, but I do believe that the Christian life is full of “dying to self” moments that the world cannot readily accept. And these moments are so pervasive throughout the Christian life that most, if not all, Christians should be able to identify with the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:7-12. So, this application is very interesting to me, but this is meant to be a critique of complementarianism. As such, I would like to highlight the two affirmations from the Danvers Statement that I believe speak best to this concern.

Affirmation #1:

Both Adam and Eve were created in God’s image, equal before God as persons and distinct in their manhood and womanhood.

Affirmation #2:

Distinctions in masculine and feminine roles are ordained by God as part of the created order, and should find an echo in every human heart.

Now, these affirmations do not speak about gifts or sharing leadership responsibilities, but they do highlight that all people find their identity as bearers of God’s image. Not only that, they say that both men and women are equal before God, but they are distinct by virtue of their masculinity and femininity. We can deduce that this distinction does bring about differences in terms of gifts and abilities, but the distinctions are inherently beautiful and worthy of the recognition and appreciation of every person because they were created by a very intentional God. Outside of this, complementarians do highlight the use of gifts in the Church and in other ministries, but they primarily focus on the heart and mind attitudes of men and women functioning in the home together, while continuing to affirm the place of husbands as heads in the home (consider Affirmations 4 and 6).

Therefore, we can see that complementarians do believe that men and women are of equal value before the Lord, both able to bear His image, but distinct in their gifts and abilities by divine design and purpose. It is a given that complementarians do not believe that men and women should share leadership roles in the home, but they do believe that there should be mutual respect and honor between both spouses. As for the remainder of their application, I do find some things that complementarians should carefully consider in their own marriages.

First, do you really recognize the gifts and abilities that you bring to the table, and can you recognize what your spouse brings to the table too? Now, I know I’ve posed a similar question before, but I am asking this with a different thought in mind. I wonder do people wholeheartedly believe that they bring something valuable to the ‘marriage table.’ We can easily list all the things that we do day to day, but do we believe that those things are valuable and indispensable to the home and marriage?

I’ve wrestled with this personally over the years. When I left my job to be at home full-time it was very difficult for me to see that what I was doing was really valuable. Honestly, I figured if my husband hired a nanny, maid, and cook he could easily replace what I did in the home. It seemed like grunge work, and I felt like being the wife/mom really sucked compared to my husband’s role. To be honest, for a long while, I really hated it. I did share my thoughts with my husband eventually, and he’s spent many times over the past years showing and reminding me how valuable I am in my home, how much my contributions are not easily replaced, and that I bring a lot to the table, a lot that he can’t bring at all. Now, you may be thinking that he’s just brainwashed me or sprinkled some sugar over the real truth so that I suck it up better, but I have come to realize the truth in what he has said. But more importantly, I’ve had to make sure that my identity and sense of worth and value is found in Christ alone, not in my own abilities and talents. That being said, I do hope that complementarians, especially women, carefully consider that question, but also think about how you view your spouse’s contributions and letting him/her know how much they mean and are worth to you.

Second, are complementarians careful not to overemphasize the importance of the work and role of women in the home and family? As Christians we are often guilty of falling into one ditch, getting back up, and then falling into the ditch on the other side. So I bring up this consideration thinking about all of the women (and men) who are members of our churches or families. Are you constantly pressuring people about marriage or even bringing it up a lot just because they aren’t married? Do you remind people of their age and the ‘biological clock’ that’s ticking all the time? Are you sensitive to the people who have gone through divorce when you bring up marriage conversations? For couples who don’t have children, are you constantly asking them when they’re going to add to the family? Do you inwardly judge or look down on people who only have one or two children because you feel like everyone’s ‘quiver’ should be full and overflowing? Do you express unneeded sorrow and pity over those who are childless or unmarried too often?

My primary point with these questions is to make us think about whether or not we have made stumbling blocks of marriage or motherhood or any other good thing that God has given us to the hurt of our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith. Truly, the highest calling that any person can have in this life is to be a disciple of Christ Jesus alone, and we need to be mindful to exhort and encourage one another with that truth more often.

My final consideration for complementarians is in regards to calling out sin, both in attitudes and actions, in the marriage. Part of the blessing of marriage is to be known by someone else on an intimate and personal level that has your best interests at heart, especially your progressive sanctification. Now, we all know about love and being patient in love, but do we believe that love also means humbly calling out sins in our spouse when we see them? Now, I do not mean walking around with a clipboard telling your spouse every time he/she sins, but when we notice sinful patterns of behavior, do we as complementarians speak up about it? If one spouse is always selfishly getting their way, does the other spouse, whether husband or wife, feel like they have a Christian duty to speak up and call out the sinful behavior in respect and love? If one person is being manipulative every time something doesn’t go their way, is the sin mentioned or even addressed?

Basically, it appears to me that much of the perceived inequalities that egalitarians believe come from complementarian marriages is due to the belief that only one person is ‘in charge’ and the other must submit to everything. In true complementarian marriages, both husband and wife recognize that they are equal in standing before God. Moreover, they recognize in addition to the bond of marriage, they are also brother and sister in the faith, and they strive to help and assist each other in this Christian journey. So, if a wife sees her husband constantly being given over to sin in a particular area, she has a Christian responsibility to bring that up to her husband for his good in the Lord. Likewise, if a husband sees his wife being given over to sin, he should also bring it up to her for her own good in the Lord so that they both diligently strive for holiness in this Christian life. The intimacy in marriage comes with a responsibility to love in sincere truth for that person’s spiritual good, not avoiding things out of convenience or overlooking things because you may be forced to deal with yourself at the same time. As complementarians, husbands and wives may not share leadership responsibilities or be partners in the marriage relationship, but we are called to be genuine brothers and sisters in the faith who dutifully watch over one another so that no one becomes caught in any sin (Galatians 6:1-10).

Egalitarian Beliefs: Voices in the Home

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Picking up from where I last left off, here is Christians for Biblical Equality’s Application #3:

In the Christian home, husband and wife are to defer to each other in seeking to fulfill each other’s preferences, desires and aspirations. Neither spouse is to seek to dominate the other but each is to act as servant of the other, in humility considering the other as better than oneself. In case of decisional deadlock they should seek resolution through biblical methods of conflict resolution rather than by one spouse imposing a decision upon the other.

In so doing, husband and wife will help the Christian home stand against improper use of power and authority by spouses and will protect the home from wife and child abuse that sometimes tragically follows a hierarchical interpretation of the husband’s “headship.”

In their third application, CBE highlights their belief that Christian marriage should be characterized by mutual submission as each spouse seeks “to fulfill each other’s preferences, desires and aspirations.” They do not believe that there should be any sort of domination or headship, just a continual deference to each other, even when it comes to decision making. Their intention with this application is to guard against domestic abuse and power-tripping in the Christian home that at times has happened when a hierarchical marriage structure is believed and acted upon.

Now, how people differ in their beliefs about the structure of Christian marriage largely depends on their interpretation of Ephesians 5:22-33, but more importantly, how verse 21 lends to the overall context and understanding of the passage. But this is meant to be a critique of complementarianism, and in an attempt to stay focused, I will turn to the Danvers Statement. Please consider the relevant portions of their affirmations below:

Affirmation #4

The Fall introduced distortions into the relationships between men and women.

-In the home, the husband’s loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity; the wife’s intelligent, willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or servility.

Affirmation #6

Redemption in Christ aims at removing the distortions introduced by the curse.

-In the family, husbands should forsake harsh or selfish leadership and grow in love and care for their wives; wives should forsake resistance to their husbands’ authority and grow in willing, joyful submission to their husbands’ leadership.

One thing that I appreciate about the egalitarians is that they did not shy away from a very important issue that is a real problem in the outlying extremes of the complementarian camp, and that issue is domestic abuse. There is no scripture to be found in the Bible that validates or encourages domestic abuse of any kind, and honest Biblical complementarians do not encourage, promote, or condone domestic abuse and violence. Therefore, I am happy to see that the Danvers Statement did recognize that sin has thoroughly distorted the relationship between husbands and wives, and abuse is a part of that distortion.

However, the complementarians method of dealing with the distortion is very different than the egalitarian method of dealing with it. Namely, complementarians appeal to the redemptive grace of Christ at work within each believer’s heart to begin removing those distortions and restoring the marriage relationship back to its proper place with the husband offering loving headship and leadership in the home and the wife joyfully submitting to his leadership. The difference in methods between the two camps does bring up a serious question that any person who is looking at either side must consider: What is the real problem that needs to be addressed to fix marital problems: sin or the marital structure itself? How you choose to answer that question will largely land you in either the egalitarian or the complementarian camp.

But moving along, complementarians do not address conflict resolution in the marriage, and I think that is largely due to the fact that they have already appealed to redemptive grace to work out sin in the hearts of believing spouses. Accordingly, well-taught Christian spouses will aspire to handle all matters in their life in a God-honoring way, and that would include how to work out problems with your spouse or how to make decisions when you really disagree. So it appears to me that the complementarian camp has a lot of faith and stake in the ability of the Holy Spirit to thoroughly sanctify and redeem each and every believer, whether man or woman, from their sins and conform them to the image of Christ. They are not attempting to alter the structure to address the abuses we see at times in marriages, but they seem much more dependent upon the ability and will of God to make Christian marriages more and more glorifying to Him as couples spend their lives together.

As such, I honestly cannot critique them further. They appeal and rest on the highest authority there is, the Lord God Almighty. And we know from Numbers 23:19 that:

God is not a man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

Consequently, I can only change the trajectory of my critique and pose these questions for my complementarian brothers and sisters: Do women have an authentic voice in their homes? And is it possible for a woman to have a legitimate voice in her home without usurping authority?

In considering that the context of these questions is for the home environment, I recognize that there is a real boundary between the church and the home. As a result, we can appeal to the ‘culture’ that surrounds complementarianism. When you are around complementarian couples, do you feel like women have authentic voices that are heard and recognized, or are the women mostly silent and agreeable all the time? With the complementarian women that you see, how do they tend to handle situations when they don’t agree with something? Do you see the women actually speak up to someone, or do you hear sighs and frustrated whispers in private? Do the women act like they have an actual voice that needs to be heard, and do the men act like they need to hear that voice as well?

Now, I could answer these questions from my own personal perspective, but I think that every person needs to consider these things for themselves. I do believe that complementarianism has its own culture, but the culture varies depending on geography and the backgrounds of the people in question. I may be biased here, but I think that a lot of this depends on complementarian women coming to a solid, Biblical understanding of their roles, worth, and value in the body of Christ and in the home. To say that you can’t walk in Biblical womanhood and speak  up about the things that are going on around you at the same time is truly false, and I think that we, as complementarian women, really have to work hard at being all that we are supposed to be in Christ. It takes honest effort and a lot of hard work to “bridle the tongue” while still honestly sharing what is on your heart and mind, especially when you disagree. But it also takes the continuous encouragement of your husband and fellow brothers in Christ to do it as well.

So in conclusion, I like to pose these questions for my complementarian sisters to encourage you to think about yourself. What are you most prone to do? Do you speak up? Why or why not? Do you feel like you’re “overstepping your boundaries” if you say something? And if so, why? Do you actually speak up in ungodly and disrespectful ways at times? And if so, do you think it’s warranted and okay with God? Do you feel like your thoughts and opinions are valuable in your home when conversations are going on and decisions are being made? In your opinion, which is worse: overstepping your boundaries or not being heard at all? How are you walking that balance out right now? How do you handle it when a mutual decision cannot be reached and your husband makes a final decision? Can you accept it and move on, or are you resentful and bitter? How are you moving and growing towards having a better God-honoring marriage? Are you being diligent about it, and do you have any evidence?

For my complementarian brothers, what do you see your wife or your fellow sisters doing? Do you encourage them to speak up? Or do you voice their concerns for them so that they don’t have to say anything? Do you give the impression that their voice, opinions, and thoughts are valuable? Do you believe that it is prudent and wise for you to consider their thoughts and advice? Or do you give the impression that women ought not to concern themselves with the ‘weighty matters’ and let men handle it? For husbands, do you feel like you have the right to make final decisions even if your wife disagrees? Do you feel ashamed or secretly proud to have to do this? How are you moving and growing towards having a better God-honoring marriage? Are you being diligent about it, and do you have any evidence?

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Special Note: I understand that some people may find themselves married to an unbelieving spouse due to various circumstances. As a result, it is inherently very difficult to try to live out a Biblical view of marriage, and my only encouragement to you is to continue to be a God-honoring husband or wife to the very best of your abilities. Continue to read the Bible, trusting in the word it proclaims, and be faithful to your marriage. Our God is Sovereign, and He perfectly orchestrates all situations and circumstances in our lives for His own glory and for our good in Him. And if you happen to find yourself in an abusive relationship, I highly encourage you to seek out help and sound advice for how to address your particular situation.

Egalitarian Beliefs: Addressing the Sense of Inferiority Among Women

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Dealing with the Sense of Inferiority

As I mentioned before, egalitarians could also be using this emphasis on public recognition in Application #2 to address a different issue: the sense of inferiority that some women have for being females. Now, I do think that this is a serious problem for some women, and let’s consider the Danvers Statement again to see if complementarians have addressed this, especially Affirmations #1, 2, 5, and 6.

Looking at these affirmations from the Danvers Statement, it is safe to conclude that complementarians do believe that women are 1) created in God’s image, 2) equal before God as persons, 3) distinct in their womanhood and 4) of equal high value and dignity as men. Moreover, complementarians do acknowledge that there were serious distortions introduced by the Fall that redemption in Christ aims to remove. In case of any confusion, the Danvers Statement defines the distortions in Affirmation #4.

The Fall introduced distortions into the relationships between men and women.

-In the home, the husband’s loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity; the wife’s intelligent, willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or servility.

-In the church, sin inclines men toward a worldly love of power or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and inclines women to resist limitations on their roles or to neglect the use of their gifts in appropriate ministries.

It is these distortions that complementarians believe that redemption in Christ aims to address and remove, and this work is prayerfully going forth in the Church. Now, I do understand that there are still some complementarians who believe that the ideal Christian wife is the ‘doormat’ type who just looks cute, says nothing, and does whatever she is told. Personally, I would not call those people complementarians at all, but there are some who claim the title for themselves. And it may be that people who hold these views are promoting a sense of ‘inferiority’ among women, but I would at least like to set the record straight that Biblically-sound complementarians do NOT believe that women are inferior in the least bit. They recognize that women serve different God-ordained functions, but a difference in function does not mean that a woman is different in value, especially before God. And they also recognize and appreciate the hard work that their fellow sisters in Christ do for the kingdom of God, whether it is in their own homes, in the church, in the community, or in the world, and encourage them all the more to be faithful and diligent in their labors until that final day.

Circling the Wagons back to the Doormat

Before, I end this blog, I feel like it is necessary to come back to this sense of inferiority that women oftentimes feel. To speak frankly, I’ve often wrestled with feeling inferior as a married woman. No, my husband never told me anything crazy to make me feel that way, but I began to wrestle with those feelings once I left my job and found myself at home with a newborn and nothing to do any more. Then, once I began to experience small moments of joy doing some housekeeping tasks or assisting in a church ministry, I got hit again with ‘You had so much potential. You’re just wasting it being at home like this. Surely the Lord wouldn’t want you to waste your education, skills, and talent to just be at home.’ After having those words marinate in my mind for a while, I became despondent and depressed all over again and found myself struggling with my own sense of worth.

At this point in my life, almost 3 full years of being at home, I have come to recognize that we are fighting a war, dear sisters, and it behooves us not to forget that. We are fighting a spiritual war, and we have a formidable foe that is extremely clever and employs many schemes intended to ultimately cause us to fall away from the faith. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 tells us:

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ

This verse tells us that a good deal of our spiritual battle will be fought against thoughts, opinions, and arguments that go against the knowledge of God, the same knowledge we find in the Word of God. Dear sisters (and brothers), Satan will twist the Word of God any way he can to cause us to not understand it properly, to focus on the wrong things, and to ultimately get so frustrated with it, that we walk away from it, and away from God. Consider this passage from Spiritual Warfare: A Biblical and Balanced Perspective by Brian Borgman and Rob Ventura:

Satan can try to persuade us to misapply and misunderstand the Word, and so inoculate people against its proper meaning…The devil twists the Word of God in innumerable ways, and he does this ultimately to get people to reject it. If he can get people to reject the Word outright, he has then made an effective attack on God. But, more often, he twists the Scripture so that God’s character is maligned, the person and work of Christ are distorted, God’s grace is perverted, and man’s sin is misrepresented. Satan also tries to disfigure the Word through false doctrine…Satan’s principal weapon is falsehood…The devil knows how to lie in ways that appeal to our sense of deserving, our sense of worth or lack of worth, and our sense of rights and wrongs. You name it – Satan can lie about it (p. 27-28)

As women, when we’re struggling with those thoughts and feelings of inferiority, not having much value, and uselessness, we must keep in mind that we are fighting a spiritual battle, and we must be clothed with the whole armor of God. We cannot expect to fight and win in these battles with such things like a little public recognition, a few likes on Facebook, a couple of more followers to our blog, and other petty things that merely gloss over the bigger fact that we are at war against thoughts and ideologies that are directly opposed to God.

Now, I do not want to say this to the complete disregard of many who have grossly misunderstood and misapplied the Scripture, causing much harm to many, but every single Christian must realize that we are each called to stand, to “take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm” (Ephesians 6:13). Women are not going to be standing in the shadows of men here, and wives will not be behind the shields of their husbands. No woman will ever hear the Lord say that she is too weak to pick up the sword and fight. But we each have to put on our belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, readying our feet with the gospel of peace, taking up the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit (that is, the word of God), and be diligent in prayer. Everyone of us has to do this because we will be engaged in battle until our dying breath. And when we fail to do this, we will succumb to believing lies, being swayed by erroneous arguments, being led astray by clever ideas, and even falling prey to the deceitfulness of our own hearts.

The egalitarian belief that public recognition will help women not feel inferior and help to keep them within the faith and the church is an optimistic idea and approach, but unfortunately, it does not get to the root of the problem. The complementarian belief that it is redemption in Christ that will remove the distortions introduced by the curse after the Fall is the solid bedrock that all Christians, men and women, should be standing on. Our identity must be found in Christ alone. We must heed the exhortation of Paul found in Romans 12:2:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Complementarians, appealing to the effects of the redemptive work of Christ, recognize that we must all be transformed by the renewal of our minds to remove the distortions of the roles and functions of men and women in the home and in the church. This renewal will continue throughout our Christian lives as we come to study and understand the Word of God more clearly and as the Spirit applies the Word to our lives. As we are continually renewed, we will grow stronger so that we are able to stand firm against the attacks of the enemy and fight in this war, whether it comes through false doctrine or the overwhelming feelings of inferiority and uselessness.

Special Note: Being transformed by the renewal of our minds is accomplished primarily through the hearing, reading, and studying of the Word of God. But we must also believe that the Word of God is literally the Word of God, from God. When we hold views that the entire Bible is not inspired by God, or that people wrote in their own personal views or preferences, or that the whole Bible is not authoritative to the Christian, then the promise that the Spirit of God will renew our minds is null and void. We cannot be equipped for battle nor can we stand firm and be victorious when these attacks come because we will be lacking in our faith because we failed to believe the truth, that is God’s Word. “Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For, ‘Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.’ But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” (Hebrews 10:35-39)

Egalitarian Beliefs: Public Recognition

/ wifewithpurpose / 23 Comments

You can check out my previous blog here, but I want to pick up quickly where I last left off with Christians for Biblical Equality’s (CBE) Application #2.

In the church, public recognition is to be given to both women and men who exercise ministries of service and leadership.

In so doing, the church will model the unity and harmony that should characterize the community of believers. In a world fractured by discrimination and segregation, the church will dissociate itself from worldly or pagan devices designed to make women feel inferior for being female. It will help prevent their departure from the church or their rejection of the Christian faith.

In their second application, CBE highlights the need that all members of the church should be publicly recognized for the work that they do in the ministry. They believe that by doing so, “the church will model the unity and harmony that should characterize the community of believers.” This would also cause the church to distance itself from the ways that the world currently uses to make women feel inferior for being women, and it would help to secure the faith and commitment to the church of these women.

I personally find that this application causes a lot of questions to arise in the mind of the reader. For instance, does public recognition really promote and model unity and harmony? Will public recognition cause a woman to feel better about herself? What are the ‘worldly or pagan devices’ that they have in mind here? Is the church obligated to publicly recognize the work of all of its members? And will receiving public recognition really cause some women to remain in a church or not leave the faith if they are intent on leaving? I am sure that my complementarian brothers and sisters would ask more penetrating questions, but the point is to see if complementarians have formally addressed this issue or not. However, I am not sure if the emphasis is actually on addressing an overall lack of public recognition or if it is attempting to address and remedy the sense of inferiority that a lot of Christian women feel with public recognition. So, I’m going to address public recognition in this blog and take a look at the Danvers Statement again.

Public Recognition

Looking through the Danvers Statement, I actually did not find any statement addressing the need for the public recognition of the work of men and women in the church. However, to offer some sort of examination of practices that may be found in complementarian churches, I will refer back to my former church homes since I’ve been married.

In our church in Louisiana, I do believe that there was a level of public acknowledgement of the work of women and men in the church; however, this acknowledgement did not come in the middle of the church service or from the pulpit. Oftentimes, if the women and men serving on various ministries needed more help or volunteers, our pastor would stop Sunday school early to make a mention of the important work of the ministries, thank those who already participate and contribute, and encourage others to sign up and help fulfill the needs. In our church in Colorado, women and men served in various capacities throughout the church. Soon after I arrived, the women serving in the kitchen for lunch preparation (and there was lunch every Sunday) began to feel pretty rushed because as soon as church would end, people would come rushing downstairs to eat, and they had not finished with their preparations. So, they appealed to the elders to get people to wait at least 10 more minutes to give them time to finish and breath before the rush. Our elders were highly responsive to their needs, and they made mention of the need before the congregation at the end of service and made everyone wait at least 15 extra minutes just to make sure the women had enough time. Obviously, the women felt appreciated, and we did not have any subsequent problems.

I give these two examples as evidence that there are complementarian church pastors and elders that do recognize the work of women and men in the church and appreciate them for it. No, there were no elaborate announcements of recognition or any special ceremonies, but people were not acting like work got done by itself. Moreover, in these churches, people were individually appreciative for the work of other people. So, it was not surprising to hear about a member sending another member a little note of appreciation, or dropping by a basket of goodies to say thanks. People didn’t mind meeting up with each other to treat one another to coffee or call someone up to just say thank you. Thus, it appears to me that there was a lot of recognition going on, but the recognition was largely personal and private.

That being said, complementarians should look at this application and examine themselves individually to make sure that they are showing appreciation to others for their hard work and also recognizing that it takes committed members to get things done each week. This appreciation and recognition can be displayed genuinely in a multitude of ways, and we should all be striving to heed Paul’s exhortation in Romans 12:10 “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Here, we have a series of explicit commands that our love for our fellow brothers and sisters should be genuine and our Christian walk ought to be real. Now, I do understand that some people may take this verse to be a basis for why we should have public recognition in the church, but I believe that the context of this verse is for the individual Christian in his or her life. Paul is always very clear about what should take place in the church throughout all of his epistles, and he did not make any indication here that this “showing honor” should take place in a corporate setting.

What of recognition that is actually public?

Now, remembering my egalitarian upbringing in the Black Baptist church, public recognition for the work of men and women in the church was fairly non-stop. Just to give you an idea, I remember attending these services multiple times through the years: Pastor’s Appreciation, First Lady (the Pastor’s wife) Appreciation, Usher’s Day, Women’s Day, Men’s Day, Youth Day, Church Choir Appreciation, Deacons and Deaconesses Day, and Founder’s Day (which could also be called Church Anniversary or Homecoming Service). Not only that, we had church-wide birthday celebrations for the pastor, for his wife, for the ordained ministers in the church, for the minister of music, and whoever else someone thought was important enough to make an event out of it. But not only that, we also attended the same celebration days at other churches in our county, and we were expected to serve in those other churches for those celebration and appreciation services. Now, this may seem a little extreme to you, but we believed in public recognition for EVERYBODY’s work in our church. And yes, I did spend a lot of time at church each year going to these events.

Being older and considerably more mature, I think that these events were well-intentioned, but considerably over the top. Not only that, it greatly took away the reason why we come to church in the first place! Instead of focusing on the worship of our God and Savior, we were extolling the praises of our fellow brothers and sisters and holding actual church services to honor men.

Final Thoughts on the Complementarian Position

Considering the complementarian emphasis on being grounded in Biblical doctrine and faithfully consistent to it, I believe that the main reason there is no statement on showing public recognition to women and men who serve in ministries in the church is because there is no explicit Biblical basis for that practice (at least I have not come across one yet). Now, there is an explicit command found in 1 Timothy 5:17, and even the context of this verse is largely about making sure that good elders are taken care of as they do their work in the church, aside from receiving respect. But outside of that, the Bible actually charges us not to seek public recognition or praise when we perform good deeds or labor diligently for the Lord. Please consider Colossians 3:17 and verses 23-24 when you get a chance.

Finally, one last important passage that should be considered is 1 Corinthians 12:21-26. I believe that it is this text that mentions the overall harmony and unity that should be present in the church and the attitude that we ought to have for one another. We are told that our weaker parts (or members) are indispensable and that we bestow greater honor on those parts that we think are less honorable because God has composed the church in such a way that greater honor is given to the part that lacks it and for no division to occur. Clearly, this is the manifold wisdom of God on display that the things no one really wants to do in the church (i.e. vacuuming, picking up trash, set up, cleaning bathrooms, etc.) are actually indispensable to the church, whereas the things that people generally want to do (i.e. head up a new ministry, be a small group leader, be an advisory board member, etc.) are really the things that no church absolutely needs to be a good church. Not only that, God Himself gives honor to the less honorable parts, and He does this so that we have a balanced appreciation and high respect for all of the work that our fellow brothers and sisters do within the church, from the pastor to the janitorial staff.

The honor we receive from the Lord should not be expected in this life, although it may at times occur. But, we know with absolute certainty that the honor we will receive from the Lord will come when we behold Him face to face. We are responsible as members of the body of Christ to honor and respect every person within the body and appreciate their contributions to the church, and we need to carefully examine ourselves to make sure that we are being obedient to God’s Word in this area. However, personal appreciation and honor does not necessitate public recognition.

In my next blog, I would like to jump back and deal with the sense of inferiority that this application mentioned.

Egalitarian Beliefs: The Use of Spiritual Gifts

/ wifewithpurpose / 13 Comments

As I mentioned before, I am attempting to make sure that we understand exactly what Christian egalitarians believe. In my previous blog, I highlighted Christians for Biblical Equality’s 12 statements they believe are truthful interpretations of Bible passages, and now I would like to use their very useful application section to begin a critique on the complementarian movement. In this blog, I will examine their first application point.

Application #1:

In the church, spiritual gifts of women and men are to be recognized, developed and used in serving and teaching ministries at all levels of involvement: as small group leaders, counselors, facilitators, administrators, ushers, communion servers, and board members, and in pastoral care, teaching, preaching, and worship.

In so doing, the church will honor God as the source of spiritual gifts. The church will also fulfill God’s mandate of stewardship without the appalling loss to God’s kingdom that results when half of the church’s members are excluded from positions of responsibility.

In their first application, CBE highlights the need for the spiritual gifts of women and men to be fully utilized within all areas of the church, including preaching, teaching, and worship. Their belief is that by all gifts being fully utilized in all areas, God will be honored, and they will fulfill their “mandate of stewardship without the appalling loss to God’s kingdom that results when half of the church’s members are excluded from positions of responsibility.” Their application presupposes some beliefs about what complementarians believe and practice. Namely, their application asserts the view that complementarianism does not hold that the spiritual gifts of men and women in the church are equally recognized and allowed opportunities to be utilized for the glory of God. As a result, in their view, complementarianism is a real detriment to the kingdom of God by causing a portion of its members to not utilize their spiritual gifts. So let me turn now to the Danvers Statement (published by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood) that we may consider the beliefs of complementarians as regards the usage of spiritual gifts.

Affirmation #8: In both men and women a heartfelt sense of call to ministry should never be used to set aside Biblical criteria for particular ministries (1 Timothy 2:11-15, 3:1-13; Titus 1:5-9). Rather, Biblical teaching should remain the authority for testing our subjective discernment of God’s will.

Affirmation #9: With half the world’s population outside the reach of indigenous evangelism; with countless other lost people in those societies that have heard the gospel; with the stresses and miseries of sickness, malnutrition, homelessness, illiteracy, ignorance, aging, addiction, crime, incarceration, neuroses, and loneliness, no man or woman who feels a passion from God to make His grace known in word and deed need ever live without a fulfilling ministry for the glory of Christ and the good of this fallen world (1 Corinthians 12:7-21) – bolded text mine

Looking at the facts here, it appears that complementarians do believe that both men and women have spiritual gifts that should be used for the edification of the church. Not only that, they highlight that with all of the ways people are afflicted in this world and need to hear the gospel, there is no reason why any person cannot be engaged in an active ministry at all. However, the obvious point of difference between the two camps is that complementarianism calls for Biblical teaching to remain as “the authority for testing our subjective discernment of God’s will.”

As Christians, everything that we do ought to be founded upon the Word of God. I do not know of a single person who has not experienced desires and passions to do certain things in life, and I have witnessed that far more among Christians desiring to do great things for the Lord than any other group of people. However, when we deviate from Scripture’s teaching on how to use the very things God gave us for the building up of His church and His own glory, I strongly believe and know that we will miss the target every time.

The LBC states in Chapter 1, Paragraph 10 that:

The supreme judge, by which all controversies of religion are to be determined, and all decrees of councils, opinions of ancient writers, doctrines of men, and private spirits are to be examined, and in whose sentence we are to rest, can be no other but the Holy Scripture delivered by the Spirit, into which Scripture so delivered, our faith is finally resolved.

And even in paragraph 6 of the same chapter, you will find:

The whole counsel of God concerning all things necessary for his own glory, man’s salvation, faith and life, is either expressly set down or necessarily contained in the Holy Scripture: unto which nothing at any time is to be added, whether by new revelation of the Spirit, or traditions of men. Nevertheless, we acknowledge the inward illumination of the Spirit of God to be necessary for the saving understanding of such things as are revealed in the Word, and that there are some circumstances concerning the worship of God, and government of the church, common to human actions and societies, which are to be ordered by the light of nature and Christian prudence, according to the general rules of the Word, which are always to be observed.

From our own confession, we see that God’s Word stands as the ultimate authority, the final test, for any new illumination or perceived understanding of God’s Word, and His Word is the one thing that we must test our passions and desires against. Thus, complementarians uphold the authority of God’s Word in the Christian life when we consider the use of spiritual gifts. We know the words of Christ in Mark 3:24: “If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.” By removing the litmus test of God’s Word in their desire to ensure that both men and women are using all of their spiritual gifts, egalitarians are actually putting their churches on very shaky ground, and that is the real “appalling loss to God’s kingdom.”

Now that we know what complementarians assent to, the question is: Do complementarians actually live out their beliefs? I think it is hard to give an accurate answer, but maybe I can ask it in a different way. Do complementarian churches praise the hard work of women as equally as men in the church? Are pastors and church leaders diligent in making sure that women are being discipled and encouraged to utilize their gifts and talents as much as the men are, or is the default assumption that as long as women are taking care of their homes they’re okay? Are we training women to be good teachers of other women and children? Are complementarian churches doing all that they can do to train up men and women in the faith for the glory of God?

As a very honest complementarian, I believe the answer is largely no. No doubt, there are complementarian churches that are being diligent in making sure that women are being trained and encouraged to serve in various capacities, but I know that there are many churches that could do a lot more in this capacity. And I think that this is something that any complementarian church leader should carefully consider and take the time to ask about in their congregation. However, I cannot say any of this without encouraging any complementarian women who may be reading this blog to seek out ways to be useful in a ministry. As women, I think we love it when someone opens the door for us, but we may have to open our own door and be diligent in serving the Lord in whatever capacity and opportunity that He providentially sent our way.

Finally, I think that it is best to remind ourselves that it is the Holy Spirit who is building the Church (Ephesians 2:19-22). Yes, He has dispensed many gifts to both men and women in His Church that are to be used for its edification, but it is the Lord who determines what gifts are given, how they are to be used, what will actually glorify Him, what undermines His work, and how His church will grow and endure. Consequently, His Word provides us with guidelines that need to be obeyed. From their first application point, the egalitarian camp missed the mark when they excluded the Word of God. I am happy to say that the complementarian camp did highlight the necessity for the Word to always be our final authority, no matter how strong our desires and sense of calling are. Moreover, they also affirmed that every man and woman should be actively using their spiritual gifts in any number of ways worldwide within the parameters of Scripture. However, complementarians should be mindful to not only be hearers, but doers; otherwise, we undermine the very things that we stand for.

For the sake of the length of this blog, I will pick up my next blog with CBE’s Application #2.

What do Christian Egalitarians Believe?

/ wifewithpurpose / 2 Comments

When many Christians think about egalitarianism they often think about a number of things. Foremost is the belief that women also are gifted to serve as pastors and elders in churches, but other people may have more outlandish and extreme thoughts like: worshipping a feminine deity alongside worship with God, referring to God as “She”, rewriting the Bible to make it less oppressive to women (Elizabeth Cady Stanton did that in the early 1900s), accepting egalitarianism automatically causes one to accept homosexuality, and more. However, in my reading and research over the past few days, I’ve realized that like complementarianism, there is a spectrum to egalitarianism that must be kept in mind to approach this topic responsibly. So in my posts, I will draw a lot of my information from Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) and the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW). I believe that this is probably the most fair and accurate treatment of this topic that I can give because they are both well-established organizations that have existed for over 20 years now.

Let me begin my first post by allowing Christian egalitarians to define themselves, and the best way to understand who they are is to know what they believe. According to CBE, they believe in 12 statements derived from their understanding of the Bible. The entirety of the document can be found here, but the 12 statements are below. For the sake of space, I am not including the Scripture references that they included, but you can see the references in the above link.

  1. The Bible teaches that both man and woman were created in God’s image, had a direct relationship with God, and shared jointly the responsibilities of bearing and rearing children and having dominion over the created order.
  2. The Bible teaches that woman and man were created for full and equal partnership. The word “helper” (ezer) used to designate woman in Genesis 2:18 refers to God in most instances of Old Testament usage. Consequently the word conveys no implication whatsoever of female subordination or inferiority.
  3. The Bible teaches that the forming of woman from man demonstrates the fundamental unity and equality of human beings. In Genesis 2:18, 20 the word “suitable” (kenegdo) denotes equality and adequacy.
  4. The Bible teaches that man and woman were co-participants in the Fall: Adam was no less culpable than Eve.
  5. The Bible teaches that the rulership of Adam over Eve resulted from the Fall and was therefore not a part of the original created order. Genesis 3:16 is a prediction of the Fall rather than a prescription of God’s ideal order.
  6. The Bible teaches that Jesus Christ came to redeem women as well as men. Through faith in Christ we all become children of God, one in Christ, and heirs to the blessings of salvation without reference to racial, social or gender distinctives.
  7. The Bible teaches that at Pentecost the Holy Spirit came on men and women alike. Without distinction, the Holy Spirit indwells women and men, and sovereignly distributes gifts without preference as to gender.
  8. The Bible teaches that both women and men are called to develop their spiritual gifts and to use them as stewards of the grace of God. Both men and women are divinely gifted and empowered to minister to the whole Body of Christ, under His authority.
  9. The Bible teaches that, in the New Testament economy, women as well as men exercise the prophetic, priestly and royal functions. Therefore, the few isolated texts that appear to restrict the full redemptive freedom of women must not be interpreted simplistically and in contradiction to the rest of Scripture, but their interpretation must take into account their relation to the broader teaching of Scripture and their total context.
  10. The Bible defines the function of leadership as the empowerment of others for service rather than as the exercise of power over them.
  11. The Bible teaches that husbands and wives are heirs together of the grace of life and that they are bound together in a relationship of mutual submission and responsibility. The husband’s function as “head” (kephale) is to be understood as self-giving love and service within this relationship of mutual submission.
  12. The Bible teaches that both mothers and father are to exercise leadership in the nurture, training, discipline and teaching of their children.

Now, if you have read the statements the way I have, from the complementarian lens, you probably had a few moments of disbelief, head shaking, and maybe some genuine anger. The most obvious problematic points that stand out are: the reinterpretation of classic Scripture passages, the redefinition of historically understood terms, a novel hermeneutical approach to the Bible, and the misunderstanding of the function and work of the Holy Spirit in accomplishing the purposes of the Godhead. Each of these points deserves a separate blog (maybe several), but before we engage in a critique of the egalitarian movement and their beliefs, I think it is wise to finish understanding what they believe.

In the case that we could understand them the wrong way, CBE does offer another useful section on the application of their beliefs within the same document. I will be bringing up their applications in my next blog and use it as a critique of the complementarian movement. I understand that this may be a bit of a surprising approach for most complementarians, but I don’t mind critiquing my own beliefs. We are all often guilty of over-correcting, under-correcting, over-emphasizing, and under-emphasizing many things in the Christian faith. However, the one thing that will always stand true and free from error is the Word of God. So the critique is headed our way first, and the ball will land in their court soon.

Sliding into Complementarianism

/ wifewithpurpose / 10 Comments

I was raised as an egalitarian without realizing it. That may sound funny to you, but I never thought of the way that I was being trained as “anti-Biblical” or even liberal. It was what I had seen all of my life…women who choose whether or not to get married, to have kids, to stay at home, etc. I mean, everyone has choices to make, right? Isn’t everyone entitled to make the choice that works best for them?

 

Well, my first informal introduction of complementarianism came from a visit to my husband’s (then boyfriend/beau) church. I was immediately impressed at how loving, warm, and hospitality everyone was. When I inquired further, I realized that all of the women were at raising children. Some did assist their husbands with their businesses, but the majority was at home. What amazed me the most was that this was normal to them. For a woman to have her own career or do whatever she wanted in life as a married woman was completely far-fetched, and they were the type of women to gently coach you back to the Scriptures and home again.

Now, my first formal introduction to complementarianism came during my husband and my courtship through the book (mind you, that was enthusiastically suggested to me by the same women from his church) Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. I will tell you this now; I never made it past the first chapter.

I started so eagerly, wanting to learn what these women had learned to have such beautiful marriages and loving homes, and I couldn’t even finish the first chapter without calling up my fiancé crying my eyes out. After trying to decipher the source of the problem for several minutes while making sure he wasn’t the cause of it, he finally asked me to tell him what I read. So I started to read that first chapter to him, and he fell out laughing. I told him that it wasn’t funny because I honestly could not be the wife he was looking for, especially if he thought that the women at his church were perfect. And I most especially did not want his happiness and joy to be dependent on whether or not I smiled all the time. It was all incredibly overwhelming for my poor egalitarian soul, and that first chapter scarred me for life. Over a year later, I still couldn’t pick it up and read it without shuddering with flashbacks, and eventually it was donated once we moved.

Since then, I have come to a much better understanding of complementarianism, and I have even come to understand my own native egalitarianism better as well. Attending a women’s college, I also learned about the influence and effect of feminism on a lot of things, but especially how we look at the roles of husbands and wives in marriage. So in these next few blogs, I would like to explore the actual definitions of egalitarianism and complementarianism, talk about the extremes of these two camps, the lessons that I have brought with me as my husband and I have grown together in the covenant of marriage (lessons that may be beneficial for others), and my concerns for the future. I hope you feel comfortable to join in the discussion in the comment section, and if you would like for me to bring up a certain aspect or expand on something further, just let me know.

Thoughts on Biblical Literacy (for you ladies)

/ wifewithpurpose / 4 Comments

Recently, I began a book study with a dear friend of mine from church, and I thought the book that she had in mind was so awesome that it was worth writing about. J The book is entitled Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with both our Hearts and our Minds, and it is written by Jen Wilkin. Honestly, the book has been amazing so far (we’ve only met up for 3 weeks now), but we have added to the challenge by having a discussion leader each week that poses thoughtful questions for our discussion.

What I really like about the book is that it discusses why biblical literacy is important, bad habits we may have that keep us from knowing the Word of God as we ought, and ways we can study more intentionally and effectively. Now, if you’ve been following the posts on CredoCovenant, you could not have missed the last posting of M’Cheyne’s Bible reading plan for the year (but, if you did, you can find it here). I’m not sure how many people are using the plan, or plan on using the plan in 2015, or plan on using a different plan, but I do want to encourage you to make studying the Word of God an intentional endeavor in the new year. Jen Wilkins had this to say from her book:

Biblical literacy is something most of us will never feel comfortable claiming we have achieved during our lifetime…We treasure what we know, but we are troubled by what we do not know. We do our best to cobble together a patchwork knowledge of Scripture, pieced from sermons, studies, and quiet times, but we are often confronted with the gaps and loose seams in the garment of our understanding, particularly when life gets hard…But what can we do to know the Bible better?…

Biblical literacy occurs when a person has access to a Bible in a language she [he] understands and is steadily moving toward knowledge and understanding of the text. If it is true that the character and will of God are proclaimed in Scripture, then any serious attempt to become equipped for the work of discipleship must include a desire to build Biblical literacy. Biblical literacy stitches patchwork knowledge into a seamless garment of understanding…This steady movement does not occur by accident, nor does it always occur intuitively. We may have an earnest desire to build Bible literacy, but left untrained, we may develop habits of engaging the text that at best do nothing to increase literacy and at worst actually work against it. (emphasis mine)

What struck me most in her statement was the fact that Biblical literacy isn’t something you just “happen into”. It’s something that takes work, training, and practice before you become good at it. I mean, it is the way most things work in life. I didn’t start off being a good wife or a good mother, I had to put some work into, get better at it, and I still have a long way to go. What Christian didn’t start off by knowing a few memory verses and some Bible stories about Noah, David and Goliath, and Jonah? So, eventually, we have to grow. We need to mature. We need to move beyond elementary things, and seriously make studying the Word of God a priority in our lives.

Now, this book is aimed at women (excellent holiday gift anyone!?!), but I know any person can benefit from reading the book. However, I know that taking time for Bible study is often difficult with the varying circumstances a lot of women deal with (i.e. husbands, families, children, jobs, hospitality, etc.), but I want to encourage the women out there not to neglect studying your Bibles coming into this new year. In fact, you may want to take advantage of a Bible reading plan to provide you with some guidance and a little motivation to keep on going. But ultimately, I think that the Word of God provides the best motivation. In Titus 2, verses 3-5, women are exhorted here by the Apostle Paul. Right at the end of verse 3, you find the sentence: “They are to teach what is good.” Let’s face it. You can’t teach what you don’t know. That’s a really blunt way of saying it, but it is the truth. You really can’t teach or share with anyone something you do not know. But a more gentle way of saying this can be found in Proverbs 31:26: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” In our pursuit to become an excellent lady, honoring God in all that we say or do, let us not neglect studying His Word. So ladies, I pray that these verses provide you with the best motivation to make serious Bible study a part of your life. I also encourage you to check out Jen Wilkin’s book and maybe meet up with a friend or two to talk through it, and her book is a fairly short read for the month of December so that you can start off right in the upcoming year.

Finally, if I can get your mind going already, here are some questions that my friend and I discussed from our first meeting on this all important topic:

  1. When you study the Bible from a man-centered perspective, what aspects of God do we miss seeing? What aspects of ourselves do we miss seeing?
  2. When you study the Bible from a God-centered perspective, what aspects of God do you see more clearly? What aspects of yourself do you see more clearly?
  3. What does it mean to renew our minds?
  4. Is the way that a person becomes more spiritual different in the New Testament than in the Old Testament?
  5. Is the pursuit of doctrinal precision a truly spiritual endeavor? Is it a mark of genuine spirituality? Is it a worthwhile pursuit for the Christian?
  6. Is it sinful for us to study the Word of God however we want to (i.e. interpreting and understanding things how we want or only studying the things we want)?