M’Cheyne Bible Reading Plan: March 24

/ William F. Leonhart III / Leave a comment

Exodus 35 (NASB, ESV, KJV, HCSB)

John 14 (NASB, ESV, KJV, HCSB)

Proverbs 11 (NASB, ESV, KJV, HCSB)

Ephesians 4 (NASB, ESV, KJV, HCSB)

Egalitarian Beliefs: Clarifying What We Believe

/ wifewithpurpose / 3 Comments

Continuing from the last post, this blog examines the final application from Christians for Biblical Equality. Application #5 states:

In the Christian home, couples who share a lifestyle characterized by the freedom they find in Christ will do so without experiencing feelings of guilt or resorting to hypocrisy. They are freed to emerge from an unbiblical “traditionalism” and can rejoice in their mutual accountability in Christ. In so doing, they will openly express their obedience to Scripture, will model an example for other couples in quest of freedom in Christ, and will stand against patterns of domination and inequality sometimes imposed upon church and family.

In their fifth application, CBE believes that couples who embrace the egalitarian lifestyle will no longer experience guilty feelings or live in hypocrisy because they no longer have to live in biblical “traditionalism.” Thus, married couples will be able to rejoice and hold one another mutually accountability before Christ, and they will be able to model a good marriage relationship for other couples who are looking to avoid patterns of domination and inequality in their own marriages.

To be honest, it has taken me a while to figure out how to adequately critique the complementarian camp with this application, but thank the Lord for husbands who think differently! Considering that this is the last post critiquing complementarianism, this might be one of the more important critiques that we all need to consider. And I will begin with the only affirmation from the Danvers Statement that I believe would be of key importance here, Affirmation #10:

We are convinced that a denial or neglect of these [complementarian] principles will lead to increasingly destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large.

As firmly as egalitarians believe that their beliefs and principles are Biblical, complementarians do so to the point that they believe that there will be “destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large” if complementarian principles are abandoned. As a complementarian, I agree; however, egalitarians have brought up some valid concerns when they mention “traditionalism” and “patterns of domination and inequality” that are at times imposed upon people in the church and in the family. So let’s think about that more closely.

For the sake of clarity…

  • How much of what we practice as complementarians is truly Biblical?
  • How much of our practices are really passed down traditions?
  • And how much of our practices stem from or attempt to counteract influences from our culture?

I’m not sure how many complementarians have taken the time to consider the questions or even how they live out their complementarianism, but I do believe it is always important to consider the ‘why’ behind what we do for three main reasons. First, it helps us figure out if we are doing things for the right reasons. Second, it helps us figure out how to instruct and encourage other couples who want to have a God-honoring marriage and be obedient to Scripture. Third, it helps us to be more credible and honest to the rest of the world, especially egalitarians. Let’s briefly consider these points.

How we label things

Coming from egalitarianism, having some solid reasons behind why I am doing things the way I do them now is paramount for me to walk and live in unwavering confidence in this world. Yet, I know that I have a very accommodating personality that desires for things to just go ‘smoothly’ even when I have problems with them, so I often find myself having done things for months or years because I never gave it real thought. This experience is the premise behind my first point. As Christians, we have to be careful to distinguish what are doctrinal standards, convictional beliefs, and our own cultural preferences. We clearly believe that complementarianism is Biblical doctrine that is expounded upon clearly in Scripture, but what about other things we practice?

Can husbands wash dishes, take care of the laundry, prepare meals, and/or take care of small children or is that purely the work of women as homemakers? Can wives cut grass, clean out the gutters, work on the car in the garage, and build furniture in the shed or is that stepping into men’s work? If your daughter likes to play with cars or paper towel tube swords, do you tell her to put it down to play with a doll or have a tea party instead? If your son likes to play house or is really interested in baking, do you try to distract him with some sports or other outdoor activities.

Now, I’ve picked the least controversial examples I could think of to drive home the point that we have to be careful what we label as ‘complementarian’ when it could easily be us sliding into ‘traditional roles’ or doing what we’re most comfortable doing. We also have to be careful that we’re not perpetuating traditional gender roles and calling it complementarianism because we’re uncomfortable that playing with trucks just isn’t ‘feminine’ enough for our daughter or baking isn’t ‘masculine’ enough for our son. I have all intentions to teach my daughter how to manage and care for a home properly, but if she wants to pursue a PhD and become a physicist like her daddy, I’m not going to tell her that she is going against God’s design and purpose for her as a woman. Basically, we ought to be certain that we have a solid understanding of what is actually Scriptural and whatever else is only traditional, cultural, or just our own personal preferences.

Determining what to teach others

One of the obvious results of being able to label things properly is that we will be able to offer more Biblically-sound advice to others. Whether it’s our own children, teenagers at church, or other young couples that we know, we are often put into the position of having to either teach, instruct, exhort, or encourage others about what a God-honoring marriage and family life look like. And these interactions happen either directly or indirectly, but regardless, the interaction will leave an impression upon the hearer.

For instance, most women have probably heard that housework is women’s work in some way or fashion. And from the Bible we know that we are to take care of our homes and our families (Titus 2), so this is perfectly sound to teach. However, if we couple that with something like…The reason you need to make sure that you are taking care of your home is because you really can’t trust a man to do a woman’s job. Men don’t know how to clean the way we do. They aren’t as detailed-oriented as we are, and you know you should never leave your little ones with your husband. God only knows what will happen to them when you’re gone. Really, you just have to learn how to manage it all. And don’t worry, God will give you the grace to be able to handle all of it because He made you a woman, and women are equipped to carry and handle a lot…then we have surely added some things to the Biblical text. But what is worse, the extra traditional and cultural things only cause people to become more burdened down and overwhelmed as they are likely to believe and feel that this is how they are to please the Lord in their roles. Christ told us in Matthew 11:28-30:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Let us be diligent to not add to the burden in our own minds and hearts and in the hearts and minds of others who are serious about having a God-honoring marriage and family life. If we are going to teach, exhort, and encourage ourselves and others, let’s be perfectly clear about what is Biblical and what just follows traditional norms, our present-day culture, or what just works for us.

Building some credibility

Finally, all of this leads to us, as complementarians, building up our credibility with egalitarians and others who think the way we live our lives in the face of our culture today is just crazy and outdated.

Now, there will always be some people who will simply be contentious and look for a way out so they don’t have to feel guilty about not obeying Scripture, and honestly, we can only pray for those people. But for the other people who are jaded, ignorant of the truth, or searching for some clarity about their role as a man/woman and a husband/wife, I encourage my fellow complementarians to hold fast to the Bible alone first and foremost. And then be open about what they will have to work out depending on their own circumstances. Talk about the things that complementarians have historically gotten wrong. Even touch on the abuses and sins that have often been committed under the guise of complementarianism or being Biblical. By all means, be forthright, frank, and honest in everything that you have to say because as we know that complementarianism is God’s design and purpose for men and women, we are obligated to represent it rightly, fully, and faithfully so that others will have a proper view of what God requires of all of us and so that we will not be a reason why some will choose to abandon it altogether.

This post concludes my critique of complementarianism, and I will pick up my next blog with taking a closer look at egalitarianism.

Egalitarian Beliefs: Valuing and Protecting Self in Marriage

/ wifewithpurpose / 3 Comments

As we move along in this series, the final two applications from Christians for Biblical Equality are similar in nature and intention as the third application that I covered in my last blog. Consequently, you may find some repetitive language as we continue. However, I still want to consider these applications separately because they each emphasis different topics that are important as we look at complementarianism. So, we continue with Application #4:

In the Christian home, spouses are to learn to share the responsibilities of leadership on the basis of gifts, expertise, and availability, with due regard for the partner most affected by the decision under consideration. 

In so doing, spouses will learn to respect their competencies and their complementarity. This will prevent one spouse from becoming the perennial loser, often forced to practice ingratiating or deceitful manipulation to protect self-esteem. By establishing their marriage on a partnership basis, the couple will protect it from joining the tide of dead or broken marriages resulting from marital inequities.

In their fourth application CBE highlights the need for individual spouses to recognize their own unique gifts and talents, recognize the gifts and talents of their spouse, and respectfully work together to “share the responsibilities of leadership.” The intended result is that spouses will learn to see and respect what they each bring to the ‘table’, keep one person from always being the ‘loser’ in the marriage trying to protect their own self-esteem, and protect the marriage from dying and falling apart due to ‘marital inequities.’ More concisely, I would say that this application is focused on how individual spouses view, value, and protect themselves in the marriage relationship.

Now, as a Christian and former Student Affairs professional, I find conversations about preserving and protecting “self” to be very interesting, but not entirely biblical. I do not mean that we should let other people walk all over us, even in marriage, but I do believe that the Christian life is full of “dying to self” moments that the world cannot readily accept. And these moments are so pervasive throughout the Christian life that most, if not all, Christians should be able to identify with the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:7-12. So, this application is very interesting to me, but this is meant to be a critique of complementarianism. As such, I would like to highlight the two affirmations from the Danvers Statement that I believe speak best to this concern.

Affirmation #1:

Both Adam and Eve were created in God’s image, equal before God as persons and distinct in their manhood and womanhood.

Affirmation #2:

Distinctions in masculine and feminine roles are ordained by God as part of the created order, and should find an echo in every human heart.

Now, these affirmations do not speak about gifts or sharing leadership responsibilities, but they do highlight that all people find their identity as bearers of God’s image. Not only that, they say that both men and women are equal before God, but they are distinct by virtue of their masculinity and femininity. We can deduce that this distinction does bring about differences in terms of gifts and abilities, but the distinctions are inherently beautiful and worthy of the recognition and appreciation of every person because they were created by a very intentional God. Outside of this, complementarians do highlight the use of gifts in the Church and in other ministries, but they primarily focus on the heart and mind attitudes of men and women functioning in the home together, while continuing to affirm the place of husbands as heads in the home (consider Affirmations 4 and 6).

Therefore, we can see that complementarians do believe that men and women are of equal value before the Lord, both able to bear His image, but distinct in their gifts and abilities by divine design and purpose. It is a given that complementarians do not believe that men and women should share leadership roles in the home, but they do believe that there should be mutual respect and honor between both spouses. As for the remainder of their application, I do find some things that complementarians should carefully consider in their own marriages.

First, do you really recognize the gifts and abilities that you bring to the table, and can you recognize what your spouse brings to the table too? Now, I know I’ve posed a similar question before, but I am asking this with a different thought in mind. I wonder do people wholeheartedly believe that they bring something valuable to the ‘marriage table.’ We can easily list all the things that we do day to day, but do we believe that those things are valuable and indispensable to the home and marriage?

I’ve wrestled with this personally over the years. When I left my job to be at home full-time it was very difficult for me to see that what I was doing was really valuable. Honestly, I figured if my husband hired a nanny, maid, and cook he could easily replace what I did in the home. It seemed like grunge work, and I felt like being the wife/mom really sucked compared to my husband’s role. To be honest, for a long while, I really hated it. I did share my thoughts with my husband eventually, and he’s spent many times over the past years showing and reminding me how valuable I am in my home, how much my contributions are not easily replaced, and that I bring a lot to the table, a lot that he can’t bring at all. Now, you may be thinking that he’s just brainwashed me or sprinkled some sugar over the real truth so that I suck it up better, but I have come to realize the truth in what he has said. But more importantly, I’ve had to make sure that my identity and sense of worth and value is found in Christ alone, not in my own abilities and talents. That being said, I do hope that complementarians, especially women, carefully consider that question, but also think about how you view your spouse’s contributions and letting him/her know how much they mean and are worth to you.

Second, are complementarians careful not to overemphasize the importance of the work and role of women in the home and family? As Christians we are often guilty of falling into one ditch, getting back up, and then falling into the ditch on the other side. So I bring up this consideration thinking about all of the women (and men) who are members of our churches or families. Are you constantly pressuring people about marriage or even bringing it up a lot just because they aren’t married? Do you remind people of their age and the ‘biological clock’ that’s ticking all the time? Are you sensitive to the people who have gone through divorce when you bring up marriage conversations? For couples who don’t have children, are you constantly asking them when they’re going to add to the family? Do you inwardly judge or look down on people who only have one or two children because you feel like everyone’s ‘quiver’ should be full and overflowing? Do you express unneeded sorrow and pity over those who are childless or unmarried too often?

My primary point with these questions is to make us think about whether or not we have made stumbling blocks of marriage or motherhood or any other good thing that God has given us to the hurt of our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith. Truly, the highest calling that any person can have in this life is to be a disciple of Christ Jesus alone, and we need to be mindful to exhort and encourage one another with that truth more often.

My final consideration for complementarians is in regards to calling out sin, both in attitudes and actions, in the marriage. Part of the blessing of marriage is to be known by someone else on an intimate and personal level that has your best interests at heart, especially your progressive sanctification. Now, we all know about love and being patient in love, but do we believe that love also means humbly calling out sins in our spouse when we see them? Now, I do not mean walking around with a clipboard telling your spouse every time he/she sins, but when we notice sinful patterns of behavior, do we as complementarians speak up about it? If one spouse is always selfishly getting their way, does the other spouse, whether husband or wife, feel like they have a Christian duty to speak up and call out the sinful behavior in respect and love? If one person is being manipulative every time something doesn’t go their way, is the sin mentioned or even addressed?

Basically, it appears to me that much of the perceived inequalities that egalitarians believe come from complementarian marriages is due to the belief that only one person is ‘in charge’ and the other must submit to everything. In true complementarian marriages, both husband and wife recognize that they are equal in standing before God. Moreover, they recognize in addition to the bond of marriage, they are also brother and sister in the faith, and they strive to help and assist each other in this Christian journey. So, if a wife sees her husband constantly being given over to sin in a particular area, she has a Christian responsibility to bring that up to her husband for his good in the Lord. Likewise, if a husband sees his wife being given over to sin, he should also bring it up to her for her own good in the Lord so that they both diligently strive for holiness in this Christian life. The intimacy in marriage comes with a responsibility to love in sincere truth for that person’s spiritual good, not avoiding things out of convenience or overlooking things because you may be forced to deal with yourself at the same time. As complementarians, husbands and wives may not share leadership responsibilities or be partners in the marriage relationship, but we are called to be genuine brothers and sisters in the faith who dutifully watch over one another so that no one becomes caught in any sin (Galatians 6:1-10).